6:40 am: I descend down into the Red Line station. It’s earlier than usual for me, and the weather blessedly cool for a change. As a precaution, I am wearing a short sleeve button up. No elbow pit stains for me. To ensure my comfort, I wear loose fitting jeans. It is a normal departure from my Brooks Brother/ Jos A Bank style. Fuck it, I’m going casual today.
My descent down the station stairs reminds me of “Heart of Darkness.” I am going further from the light of civilization and down into the jungle where anything can and will happen. A couple of cops are standing at the gate watching us all herd through. Behind them…. barbarian lands. Panhandlers, crackheads, artists, hipsters, douchebags, bums, criminals, and all species of Metro Line-riding life will be encountered during the forthcoming journey. I feel like a traveling warrior on a quest to save some shit or rescue some hot royal chick. All the perils on the road are like random monsters fought in RPG games. This must be how the heroes of the Final Fantasy series felt like as they trudged across their world during quests.
I get on the train, prepared to do battle with the best of Anarchy’s minions when suddenly a hot strawberry blonde sits a couple seats from where I am standing. She has large breasts, which for some fucking reason 99.9% of all other strawberry blondes I’ve met possess. I don’t have time to thoroughly objectify her breasts and the rest of her body as she sits down behind a matronly old Hispanic woman. We make eye contact and I smile. She briefly smiles at me. Like a coward, I turn my head away, trying to appear cool but looking like a nervous geek, or possibly even a creep. Damn.
7:10 am: As the train goes to various stops, I keep trying to sneak an objectifying peek at her. I turn away right as I feel her eyes gazing over to me. All thoughts of attacks from crackheads and bums has vanished from my mind. It’s somewhere on the 4th stop where I realize a hot brunette with long legs is sitting where the matronly old Hispanic woman was. She is wearing a business skirt with the appropriate length-to-sexy ratio. I turn slightly to hide a boner. I realize objectifying her is going to be hard because she is sitting in the seat in front of the open space by the car door; nothing to hide behind and she would surely catch me objectifying her. This issue becomes null &void when the train stops and she and the hot strawberry blonde with the huge tits get off. Strawberry blonde also has a business skirt on and a shapely ass. My boner is now complete, and so is my failure as the train speeds me away from them, with nothing but my dick between my hands (figuratively of course. I am in fucking public).
With no other hot women to objectify, I crack open my reading material and become oblivious to everything around me. I read about billionaires and investors, feeling my overall failure more complete as I read stories about success and how empires were made. Of course, there is no mention about any empires falling – such a story would have alleviated my feelings of failure some. I wonder how it would be possible for me to make it big. I read stories of 30-year olds making tons of cash and I wonder if I have that same kind of gumption and get-up-and-go. I recall my inability to approach that hot strawberry blonde in a non-creepy manner and have a normal conversation with her. I think about some other guy who will or already has, and how he is reaping the benefits of that action by fucking her regularly and playing with those bountiful breasts. Fuck me.
7:37 am: I am walking up the station stairs to the street. I find confidence in myself for a few reasons: I am working and making good money, I am still young(ish) and the future is fair game. My feelings of inadequacy are temporarily abated. I love walking up the stairs. It is good exercise, and I tell myself that it will help me with my footwork which will help me play basketball. I especially LOVE looking up and seeing the full, shapely asses of hot young women. I see two girls in sexy business skirts several steps ahead of me. My pace quickens. I see their full wonderful derrières and fantasize about doggy style sex with them. I realize that speeding up my pace of the stairs to maintain my excellent view means I am literally chasing ass. Plus, I get a good workout from it. Objectification may actually be beneficial to my health after all. Thanks, all you sexy business women of Los Angeles.
The Bachelor Diaries: My Life Riding The LA Metro 